The Changing faces of “TABOO”

As most of us are a “Google friendly” group now, I googled the word “taboo” and this is what I came up with: “a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.” At the onset, I would like to simply pose some questions: How exactly do we decide that something is a taboo and most importantly, who actually decides that?? Is it our religion, our caste-creed or our race/color? In this whole myriad of “Dos and Don’ts” (specifically don’ts) that we grow up with or rather are raised with, what we don’t give importance to or rather forget is what is “rationale or logical.” Yes, we are not always right; obviously we cannot be always right but we are all gifted with intellectual minds – minds that can think of their own, decide on their own. Isn’t this the reason why we, human beings, are placed on the highest point of creation? These minds get nurtured with and flourish under education – education which doesn’t only make us literate and help us get our degrees but which make our minds more sharp, aware, logical and inquisitive. But sadly, even educated and most importantly the logically thinking minds all over the world, especially in a country like India, become victimized with social stigma or taboo.

As a girl, I might have been expected to talk or write on one of the biggest taboos associated with girls that infiltrate the very core of Indian society - menstruation. However, I am going to pen down something else. From our childhood, we are taught that we belong to one particular strata of the society while our neighbor or friend belongs to another one. My family comprising of my father (May he rest in peace), my mother and my elder sister are one of the most supporting and understanding individuals that one can imagine and I never really saw anything that would make me think otherwise. But as I grew up I realized that being supportive was much different to being rational and logical. To make this point clear, I just want to cite one incident: I have been away from home from 2009 after my 12^th boards and I have many friends from all over the county, belonging from different religions, cultures etc. I have lived with them, eaten with them, celebrated with them but never had I had an ounce of disrespect for them, owing to their backgrounds. When I joined IITG for my PhD in 2014, I had invited 2 of my seniors at home for lunch and one of them was from a different religion. My parents had not objected to this and everything seemed fine to me. Everything was indeed fine till over dessert, my “other religion" senior held out a spoonful of kheer from his bowl to me saying, “This kheer is really awesome, just taste it.” Oblivious to anything, I consumed it. And I didn’t realize that mouthing that spoonful of kheer would create just an upheaval in my parents’ minds!! After they left, the first reaction of my mom was (No! not how good the 2 boys were but) “How dare you eat from that guy's plate! He is a different meat eater for God’s sake; don’t you have any respect for your religion and culture?! Don’t you know that this is not allowed in our culture?”

Well, this very small incident of just sharing food reflected “a taboo” that existed in my family but such thinking has larger consequences on the societal level and one such bigger consequence is marriage. The whole institution of marriage, particularly in the Indian society, is based on this. If you find a life partner of your own, he or she has to be from your own caste and religion. It doesn’t matter if you find your soulmate or the one who is perfect for you in a Christian or Muslim person - because it is big taboo if you marry outside of your own religion! And interestingly, our Indian society is the epitome of hypocrisy – we hero-worship the lavish inter-religious wedding of Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas but at the same time, we perform honor killing of our Hindu daughter if she is in love with our neighbor, John’s son. And then, there is the whole clan – the “own” relatives, the long-lost relatives, the neighbor’s relatives and so on whom you have probably never seen in your life, who have never offered a helping hand to you and your family at the time of distress, yet who are the first ones to hurl abusing words and suggest a “societal boycott” if the above mentioned circumstance arise. So what if a boy or girl and their family eat beef? So what if he dones a beard or she wears a hijab – does it make him or her any less of a human being? Does eating non – veg on a Tuesday simply rule out the fact that he or she makes our daughters or sons happy? Isn’t it more important that a person is a good human being, irrespective of whether he goes to a temple, mosque or church? And with whatever I have written till now, please donot think I am against any religion – I strongly believe in God and His signs but I also believe that if there were different Gods, we all would have been born different or as “PK” had said “Thappa kaha hai taaki pata chale kis company ke God ne bheja hai.”

So what do we “today’s youth and tomorrow’s future” do? In situations like this, what most of us do is keep mum – because we don’t want to hurt our parents. All of us love our parents (and we should love and respect them) but we should also keep in mind that the times have changed and so has the mindset of the people! So why not change the mindset of our parents too? A majority of our parents and elders support actively in this particular taboo associated with “inter-religion marriage/ inter-caste marriage” because they fear the society! And we cannot blame them – if you open the newspapers, there are atleast 2-3 news relating to lynching of families and couples in the name of honor killing. And it is not just about honor killing, it is also about the big question of “log kya kahenge” and “pariwar wale kya kahenge?” Many young couples under such circumstances resort to the only option left to them – suicide; because they can neither hurt their parents nor they want to end up in an unhappy marriage!

Now let us understand a scenario - in this fast pace life of today, when we don’t even have time to go to our homes in the same city (myself included in this!), how many of us would have the time to visit our relatives on a regular basis? So I don’t think anyone except our parents or siblings should even bother whom we are marrying. What we should do is we should make our families understand, rationally and logically and most importantly, with love. Nothing is going to happen through raised voices and violence – rather it might worsen an already deteriorating situation. The world should understand that the religion of humanity – the compassion, kindness and love that we carry in our hearts towards any human being is above everything. After all, Albus Dumbeldore had said Harry possessed the greatest weapon to defeat Voldemort and which was a heart that could love – and I hope, we all know how the Battle of Hogwarts ended, isn’t it? 

 

Boond boond se hi sagar banta hai (many droplets make an ocean). We cannot change the numerous taboos existing society in just 1 day and if anyone is thinking that with 1 talk or 1 article I can change the whole society – Good Luck! Rome was not built in day, was it? Actually here I would want to quote R. Madhaavan from Rakesh Omprakash Mehra’s Rang De Basanti, “No society or country is perfect but if we have to try on our individual levels to make it perfect”. What we need now is more rational thinkers, speakers and rational writers. And most importantly, we have got to stop getting influenced by our “law-makers” or politicians or those self acclaimed “God-man/woman”, who do the propaganda of religion. We have got voice our logical opinion and make an effort to make it reach the masses, particularly to the youth of today. May be that is the whole point of having all these seminars like the “TED talks”. But then, the focal point of these talks shouldn’t be restricted within these 4 walls. If today, with my piece, I can help atleast 1 individual in 1 family, I think I have taken one successful step in the giant “changing faces of taboo.” Who knows – maybe this small effort from our side today might make my children and your children survive in a more tolerant, more accepting and most importantly, a “taboo”less India, isn’t it?