IS MARRIAGE THE ULTIMATE GOAL/DESTINATION FOR GIRLS?

It’s been almost 2 months since I have settled in the beautiful city of Mangalore – the once unfamiliar city feels more like a ‘new home’ now, the people who seemed “foreigners” before are now more welcoming – the language barrier doesn’t seem like a problem anymore and I am also making an effort to learn Kannada for basic communication!

However, one thing or rather culture of this place seemed a bit disturbing to me – the look of horror that is reflected in the people’s faces when they come to know that I am a 28 year old unmarried and “working” woman. What I realized here is that unlike North India or maybe unlike Assam, women’s education is not well promoted here. Though Mangalore is very near to Kerela, the state having 100% literacy rate in the country, literacy here is sort of limited only to men probably!

Another thing which I had observed is that no sooner girls reach their teens, they are hooked up for marriage. And it is not that they are allowed to complete their education after marriage – a majority of them get caught up in the maze up husband, in-laws, children, relatives, household chores – and there is no escape route from this. And if by chance, some girls get educated and start earning for themselves, they are faced with a very silly question – ‘is this what you are going to do all your life – don’t you have to get married and “serve” your husband?’ Now, I have observed this in Mangalore because I am here – I am sure there are many places (even in North India) where such nature exists; though I am pretty sure NE India isn’t one of such places (lucky for me I was born and raised there :D)!!

Now before my reader start judging me, I just want to say that I am not like all those “fake feminists” who make the “false” propaganda of women empowerment, promoting them to stay single for life or giving up on motherhood.  But I just want to make people realize that each woman is an “individual” like each man – treat her like one, let her have an identity of her own – she shouldn’t be known only as a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother – associated with a male counterpart.

Marriage like every other societal norm is an institution in itself and yes marriage shouldn’t be delayed too. In fact, as I have observed, a lot of girls avoid getting married in the pretense of getting educated when in reality they have no idea of what they are actually studying or what this is going them lead them to! Procreation is a blessing from THE ALMIGHTY that every human being is bestowed with – and this blessing is associated with the institution of marriage. But is marriage and procreation the ultimate goal of life, especially for women?

In fulfilling all her roles or duties as a daughter, sister, wife and mother, a woman sacrifices a lot on her wishes/ desires. But isn’t it asking too much from her to give up on her education or job just for the sake of marriage in a tender age? The cost of living is rocketing sky high each day and I am sure things will be a bit easy if there are 2 earnings in the same house. And most importantly, if any marriage doesn’t end in a “positive” way – what is the young woman (who was forced to quit her studies for the sake of marriage) supposed to do? Will any of those people, who forced her into an early marriage, come to her rescue? Because let’s face it guys – it’s the 21^st century and yet we frown upon a widow/divorcee re-marriage. And forget it if there are kids involved from the previous marriage – her chances of finding another husband becomes negligible!!

Let the girl become a little matured – both physically and mentally. Let her reach a position where she can fend for and sustain herself, without having to depend on her husband, her parents or her in-laws.

Can we as a society take a small step for our girls today? After all, are Mary Kom, Irom Sharmila, Kalpana Chawla, Manju Sharma, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw (to name a few), who have an identity of their own, not married women or mothers?