LICENSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

A Tapsee Pannu starrer movie “Thappad” released few months back, probably just before “International Women’s Day” – the message of the movie was simple – A husband can’t hit his wife ever, not even if he is drunk, tensed, pressurized; there should not be “a first time will be the last time” to this. But there far deeper implications of this simple plot, that goes into the design of our “so-called civilized” Indian society. From time immemorial, women have been fighting to get an equal stature with men, if not higher, in every possible field. Even in Bollywood, this issue has been raised many times – any movie with a female protagonist doesn’t earn as that with a male lead – this simply proves that even in the 21^st century, our Indian society is not ready to accept women as “protagonists” or leads; women portrayed submissive characters or glamorous avtars, behind a man is what is expected from her, even on the silver screen.

Now in the Indian legal system, a lot of amendments and new regulations have been made with respect to domestic violence. However, the implementation of these laws has never been successful. The reason to this is that a large number of domestic abuses go unreported because women compromise with all these and move on. It is also surprising that it is not only women of the economically (and educationally) weaker sections who are victims of domestic violence – even in the aristocratic or rather “high class” society, different forms of physical, mental, emotional abuse exists. Working women with very good qualifications, who are also victims of abuses by their husbands in any form, voluntarily choose to maintain the demeanor of an “ideal” wife with a happy family. Though this is not acceptable, but one can still understand why a girl from a poor family remains silent on these occasions. But what about all the qualified, educated, financially independent women?

The answer to this is very simple and it goes to the very roots of our own homes. As a woman I feel that every single woman has regularly been bombarded with this single statement, in the context of housework, “After all, you are a girl!” From the very childhood, boys and girls are raised with different mindsets. For eg. if a grown-up girl comes litters the floor carelessly with her clothes after coming from school, she is strictly reminded by her mother about the mannerism. But if the same is done by a boy, the mother herself clears the clothes, without saying anything to her son. Not only that, a woman cooking good food for the family is termed as “her everyday duty” but a man doing the same is viewed as “an amazing and loving husband/father/son”. Grooms or sons-in law are treated and showered with so much respect (not to add humility) from the bride’s parents themselves, as if all her rights have been handed over to him. Having been raised with this attitude and witnessing the same trend all around, naturally men become accustomed to this mentality that they have power over women – well, men are endowed with physical strength and hence, are termed as “protectors” of women – but, this attitude also gives them a mindset that all their frustrations can be vented out on their “weaker” counterparts! As a result, they don’t think twice before raising hands on their better halves – after all, this act doesn’t require any “license”, unlike driving! Similarly, women choose silence over waging war because of their upbringing – isn’t every girl told by her mother on the wedding day that “a good wife leaves her husband’s place only when she leaves from crematorium/burial ground?” Also, for the sake of children, the family’s reputation, as well as for safety/security/protection, she keeps quiet! After all, compromise and moving-on runs in the genes of a woman – hasn’t she inherited 50% of her mother’s genetic material?

A solution to this is NOT educating the women (though it might help to some extent) but in raising the boys correctly – there are no defined gender roles in any work (except pregnancy and parturition). A slogan should be impregnated in the minds of all men from the very childhood: “The moment you raise your hand on your wife or any female, you are no longer entitled to the term ‘MAN!’”