THE "EDUCATED" BRIDE

“Wanted a fair, WELL-EDUCATED, good-looking girl for a so and so boy….” – This is one of the most common sentences that we come across in the matrimony advertisements under the heading “Bride Wanted”. Every potential groom and their family express their want/desire for a bride who is educated/qualified. But the definition of education or qualification in the case of brides are highly customizable –there is no clear-cut definition of what or how much educated should a bride be in order to be termed as a “suitable” bride. A Ph.D./researcher/psychiatrist/ENT surgeon and many other qualified women who have huge respect in their respective workplaces as well as the society are somehow considered in the lower strata when it comes to choosing brides or in other words daughters-in-law. Recently, there was a comment on a researcher bride by a family for a prospect alliance for their son, which goes as, “She will be always busy with her work and studies – will she even give us a cup of tea if we ask for it?” Surprising, isn’t it?

    The whole idea is if you want an educated bride, do you want her to be a housewife alone? If that is the case, the matrimonial ad should not really feature “WELL-EDUCATED” as a criterion because even a girl who has not passed HSLC can be a diligent housewife. Or there can be additional mentions like “Wanted a girl WILLING TO BE A HOUSEWIFE ….” in the ads to clarify this point in the beginning itself! And the most important question that probably arises in the minds of the qualified and educated girls (looking for suitable matches) is “are the potential grooms actually looking for life-partners and their families’ partners for sons or is it a search for house-helps?”

Let us look at this situation from a practical point of view – in today’s expensive age of living, it is always helpful when there are two incomes in a family – it helps to significantly reduce the financial burden from the “man’s”shoulders as well as it helps with the savings. Morevoer, a woman who is a working professional and is well-educated will be sufficiently well-versed with the investments, taxes, and other financial planning strategies. So isn’t it a “win-win” situation in terms of finances? Now coming to managing a household – though it is a gender neutral job, it is always considered a ‘woman’s” work because of the age-old patriarchal system. There is nothing that one cannot learn and achieve; nobody is born with all the knowledge and skills – we acquire them over time by learning from our elders, counterparts, and even younger ones. Most importantly, we are in a digital era now – information and skill learning strategies are available to us at the click of a button. So if someone wants to learn to cook “mutton do-pyaza”, he/she just has to google it or watch a video on YouTube and this is surely ain’t any rocket science!! Lastly, if a mother-in-law teaches with care, love and most importantly with patience, which well-educated girl will not reciprocate in a similar way and will not adjust/adapt to the circumstances?!

To all the educated “potential” brides out there – you are qualified enough – channel your knowledge and skills in the right way, and donot compromise your dignity in any way. A family or a groom has to deserve you, respect your intellect and accept you as an individual and family member ‘coz you ain’t a simple plaything!